Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
