He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
