so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
