This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
