I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
