Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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