forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
