can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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