I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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