I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
