also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize