But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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