I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Randomize
