You're my little dorito
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
