i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Randomize
