I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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