i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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