People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
