he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
