Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
