i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
