He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I could make wine with my vomit
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize