Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize