I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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