I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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