it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
