meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
