You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
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