my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
