i used baking grease as lip gloss
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Shame is for Republicans.
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