you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
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