So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
smell my finger.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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