***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
