And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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