my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
