This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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