when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
