she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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