Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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