OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I think I have vodka in my lungs
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
