remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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