PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
