the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
