Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
