So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
look no pants
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
