3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
