You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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