I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Randomize
