and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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