oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
And then he peed in my hair
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