Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
