ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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