This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize