idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
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