Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
