Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
