chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Randomize
