Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
