My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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