Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize