I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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