She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
