I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
