so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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