Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Where did you get a picture of my penis
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
