put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I love you.
Bad choice
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