Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
