What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize