No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
