I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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