I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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