Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
