i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
