If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
