whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
