Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize