i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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