If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
