When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
