Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i barfeds in our rink
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
bring money and cleavage
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
