naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
