I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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